I want to be 16 again.

I want to be 16 again.

Not because I liked the people I hung out with then.

Not because I particularly miss who I was.

Not because that was the best year of my life.

I want to be 16 because of how it felt to throw myself into whatever came my way–surrendering myself to a situation, without thinking about expectations, implications or anything beyond that moment. The moment where it felt like the right thing to do.

I want to be 16 because I could run away from things–my friends, my problems, myself.

I want to be 16 because then, a shopping trip to Colaba made everything better. Old Monk was still new and exciting, as were Gokul and Janata.

A lot of amazing things have happened to me over the last two years, but I can’t seem to shake the feeling that somewhere, I’ve lost something that made things less complicated.

It’s ironic, because now’s the time for me to say, “I don’t like drama. I don’t like complicated situations.” Yet, the fact that you’re expected to not have expectations bogs me down.

I want to have experienced a little less hurt, so that I’m not scared if I see that a pattern might, just might be repeating itself. I want to be able to fall again and again and pick myself up, moving on–stronger.

I want all these things, but to be honest, if I did manage to attain all of that, I’d still be unhappy.

I guess that’s something else to think about.

My girl.

My girl would never have done something like this.
She would never have paraded around the neighbourhood in those clothes, inviting all the boys to look at her- making a spectacle of herself.
I’d never have let her.
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This one looked so much like her. Had she had those shoes as well?
Yes.
I bought them for her when she’s turned 16.
My girl.
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“So, where do you live?”
“This is a fancy neighbourhood. What does a guy like you need to do this for? You seem like a catch!”
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The same curly black hair.
The same long eyelashes- like in one of those advertisements for make-up.
The same eyes- looking up at me trustingly…
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“Don’t worry about it! But I’ll still need…Oh, yes, I see it. Thanks.”
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The same eyes- looking up at me trustingly.
My sweet, innocent little girl.
I’d never have let any harm come to her.
She was all mine, to hold.
Her long arms, entwined around my neck as we danced that night.
Her laugh, as I told her exactly what I’d planned for her- a life with me.
We’d be each others’ friends forever.
We’d never, ever need anyone else.
Her lips- slightly moist, quivering ever so slightly, inviting.
Her voice- with its many moods.
Her clothes- still in her room, smelling of freshly cut flowers- smelling of her.
Refreshing, young.
My girl.
Forever.
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Disclaimer.

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you’ve probably already noted a pattern in my writing. A theme- an…interest.
If you’ve just dropped by for the first time, I’m now doing what I probably should have done a while ago.
A disclaimer.
This work is complete fiction. I observe people, read books and watch films that interest me. Then, some days later, I think about these things and,because I have an inherent interest in the slightly morbid and macabre, attempt to flip a situation on its head- add a twist, explore an entirely different thought process to a seemingly minute action, or add a dash of the dark to an everyday situation.
All this work is original, and merely inspired by things I see, hear and read.
My next piece is called ‘My Girl’. In keeping with my favourite style of writing, I’ve left it a little untied. I thought about this after watching ‘The Girl Next Door’- based on Jack Ketchum’s book of the same name.
I hope you enjoy it.

Now Playing.

Now that I’m officially unemployed (and looking, potential recruiters!), I’ve had the chance to listen to a lot of great music! Thanks to Fabian Beckett, someone with an extremely interesting choice in music, coupled with endless YouTube surfing, here’s a list of 15 tracks I’ve been listening to:

Little Dragon- Twice.
Such a chilled-out vibe. Lean back, close your eyes, and let her dulcet tones wash over you.

Lady Antebellum- Need You Now.
When you can’t help missing him/her, and you know music will probably be the only thing that helps.

Jessie J-Price Tag.
I like the ‘cha-ching cha-ching’ and ‘ba-bling ba-bling’.
Oh, and it’s philanthropic too.

Example- Kickstarts.
The young professional’s ‘Whip Your Hair’.

Cylsound and The Drill- Get Drilled and Work.
Filthy, filthy.
Rawr.

ROA- Ne Place (Nay Pla-chay)
He’s Romanian, and he’s awesome! Ioana and I heard this on the radio when I was in Bucharest, and it was love at first note. Definitely worth a listen.
P.S: Ne Place means ‘We Like It’.

Smiley- Love Is For Free
Cheesy name, cheesy song, but I love it.
Sue me, I’m all warm and mushy inside.
(He’s Romanian as well)

Russian Red- Loving Strangers.

From the soundtrack of ‘Room in Rome’

It’s a beautiful song, and if you haven’t watched the film yet, go.
Go.

Eliza Doolittle- Pack Up.

Paloma Faith- Upside Down (just because ‘New York’ is old now).

I always said I was born in the wrong decade, but with this kind of music, it doesn’t seem so wrong.

Lowkey- Something Wonderful.
*Gasp* He’s NOT singing about wearing fancy clothes, driving a fancy car and banging hot women in clubs!
Hallelujah.

Duck Sauce- Barbara Streisand.
This is the original:

And then they ‘Duck Sauce’d it:

Dennis Ferrer- Hey Hey.
I only just heard this, and it’s growing on me.
Whaddaya think? *Russell Peters face*

David Guetta feat. Kelly Rowland- When Love Takes Over.
A club. Your closest girl friends. Screaming the chorus in each others’ faces. Feeling the thump of the beat under your feet, in your heart, up in your head.
So much fun.

Now, I know I’ve reached 15, but Boney M doesn’t count, and anyway, you’ll be so glad I cheated.

Dan Balan- Chica Bomb.
Once again, Ioana introduced me to this. And I will be eternally grateful.
As a friend of mine put it, ‘This is one of those videos you can watch without needing to listen to it’.
Mmmmm hmm.

Lastly, for all you freeware junkies reading this, have you heard of www.zamzar.com?
It’s a website that allows you to input the URLs of YouTube videos and convert them to .wav, .mp3 and a variety of other video and audio formats.
If you know of something better than this, let me know, but I use this for the time being, and it’s awesome.
If the beginnings and endings irritate you, you can always download Audacity and chop ‘em out.
That’s all for now, folks.
Happy listening!
P.S: What are your favourites? It could be anything.Classics, songs I may never have heard of, or something we can gush over together. Let me know. Really. Anything.
Just not heavy metal, pliss. It gives me a headache and then I feel old.

Cynicism.

I don’t like who I’m becoming.
Everyday, I feel like I’m losing a little piece of myself- the job hunt, a general sense of failure. A sinking feeling that, just maybe, I won’t achieve the things I want to.
I hope it’s temporary, but the growing cynic in me begs to differ.
There’s so much uncertainty surrounding me now. When I think of myself a year ago, the world was my oyster. I could have done ANYTHING. Been anyone.
Now, I just feel like anything will do, but I don’t want to settle. I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of irony.
2010 has been a very interesting year.
A very important relationship ended, but it’s for the best. I will always believe he is a great guy. We just didn’t fit.
I met someone else, but learnt how mixed cultures can interpret ‘taking the next step’ SO differently.
I made some amazing friends, but I’ve seen that sometimes, the tiniest little slip on someone’s part can change my impression of them forever. I’m not a very forgiving person.
Maybe this is just a rant. It’s not how I want the new year to begin. Some amazing things happened last year as well. I travelled, made a documentary, got some fantastic work experience and learnt a lot about myself.
Maybe 2011 won’t be such a bitch.
I do know, however, that it’s time to take the rose-tinted glasses off. Again.

Unforgettable.

So, Rohit and I felt extremely proud of our ‘Hallelujah’ cover and decided to record another song.
After much fighting, screaming, hair-tearing and eye-gouging, we decided to do ‘Chasing Cars’.
Then we fought again.
Finally, we settled on ‘Unforgettable’- the duet with Nat and Natalie Cole.
Here is our cover of this beautiful song, and a special shout out to the fantastic people who’ve made my life what it is today:

Jai, Ashlene, Tanya,Bhoomika, Raza, Rohan, Dilshad, Ruheen, Tara, Avik, Taha, Shalaka (a.k.a. Mystique), Prince and DJ.

The last 6 years wouldn’t have been anywhere near as memorable without each one of you.
I love you.

33, Headford Grove.

It was sometime around May, and Shruti and I decided that once our contract in halls ran out, we’d rent a private place together.
After much hunting, one incident of potentially being ripped off by a lady from Denmark and much re-assuring, (“Shruti, dheeruzzz rakh!”), we found the perfect place.
Only, so had 2 other people.
So there we were, in this adorable little house- Shruti, Jui, their mums and I. As we walked into the double bedroom, one of the two men looking around the house said, “You know, we’re already going to take this place, so don’t bother.”
We couldn’t believe it- our dream home was being stolen from right under our noses. However, after a hurried conversation with the estate agents, it was established that no offers had been accepted yet, and it was first come first serve. The guy who showed us the house obviously favoured us, because he told us the men were taking a bus to the office, and maybe we should take a cab (wink wink, nudge nudge).
Long story short, on the 1st of July, we moved into 33, Headford Grove.
Don’t you just love the sound of it? Headford GROVE.
Not gulley, not Nagar- Grove.
The house has seen a lot- dissertations being written and submitted, results being received, barbecues, birthday parties, loud drunken nights, jam sessions, drunken history lessons and so much more.
I’ve made some new friends while sitting around here, lazily smoking a cigarette and looking out onto the garden. From singing ‘Hey there Delilah’ at the top of our voices while Hadi patiently strummed his guitar, to rolling on the floor laughing when Shruti and Eddie drunkenly rejoiced in the awesomeness that is the Flintstones.
We’ve cried with frustration here.
We’ve had the worst fits of laughter known to mankind here.
We’ve sat on the carpet, huddled together on horror movie night, screaming when a tree branch hit the window.
We’ve filled the room with warmth, even if the heater doesn’t work.
We’ve lain on the grass and talked about everything, from cheesy 80′s pop, to school anthems, religion and cock-eyed people.
We’ve seen the first snow fall right outside our window, filling the streets with white.
We’ve drunk endless cups of tea, glasses of beer, wine and of course…Ouzo.
We’ve made friends with Davidoff, Sampoorna, Dunhill and so many others.
We’ve listened to Joplin, Floyd, Gaga and Linkin Park all in the space of a few hours.
We’ve made *highly* inappropriate guesses during a game of dumbcharades.
Friends have come and gone, but the memories still make us burst out laughing at the most unexpected moments.

This weekend, Rohit came to stay from London. We’ve always enjoyed singing together, but this time we decided we’d record a little something.
So, in memory of all the good times at our home, this slideshow, set to our cover of ‘Hallelujah’.
It’s been wonderful, and I can’t wait to see you all at graduation.

And remember: The front door of the house is too formal for friends- you know how to get here.