I don’t like who I’m becoming.
Everyday, I feel like I’m losing a little piece of myself- the job hunt, a general sense of failure. A sinking feeling that, just maybe, I won’t achieve the things I want to.
I hope it’s temporary, but the growing cynic in me begs to differ.
There’s so much uncertainty surrounding me now. When I think of myself a year ago, the world was my oyster. I could have done ANYTHING. Been anyone.
Now, I just feel like anything will do, but I don’t want to settle. I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of irony.
2010 has been a very interesting year.
A very important relationship ended, but it’s for the best. I will always believe he is a great guy. We just didn’t fit.
I met someone else, but learnt how mixed cultures can interpret ‘taking the next step’ SO differently.
I made some amazing friends, but I’ve seen that sometimes, the tiniest little slip on someone’s part can change my impression of them forever. I’m not a very forgiving person.
Maybe this is just a rant. It’s not how I want the new year to begin. Some amazing things happened last year as well. I travelled, made a documentary, got some fantastic work experience and learnt a lot about myself.
Maybe 2011 won’t be such a bitch.
I do know, however, that it’s time to take the rose-tinted glasses off. Again.

~ by cranialrumblings on January 2, 2011.

5 Responses to “Cynicism.”

  1. it may sounds cliche… but this too shall pass…it is more important to stand strong, and its also the best time observe who stands with you at the hour of need!

    make use of the situation… so what if its bad…. 🙂

  2. Y’know why I feel better after reading this post?
    It’s because I feel I am not the only one going through this phase, and yes it’s a phase. The mere fact that we worry about things and we worry about ourselves like this means that we will make it work no matter what. 🙂

  3. Everything’s transient.

  4. Dont take a cynical look, take a philosophical look. 🙂

  5. i’m feelingthe same right now, and this makes me curious, how has 2011 been so far for you?

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