I want to be 16 again.

I want to be 16 again.

Not because I liked the people I hung out with then.

Not because I particularly miss who I was.

Not because that was the best year of my life.

I want to be 16 because of how it felt to throw myself into whatever came my way–surrendering myself to a situation, without thinking about expectations, implications or anything beyond that moment. The moment where it felt like the right thing to do.

I want to be 16 because I could run away from things–my friends, my problems, myself.

I want to be 16 because then, a shopping trip to Colaba made everything better. Old Monk was still new and exciting, as were Gokul and Janata.

A lot of amazing things have happened to me over the last two years, but I can’t seem to shake the feeling that somewhere, I’ve lost something that made things less complicated.

It’s ironic, because now’s the time for me to say, “I don’t like drama. I don’t like complicated situations.” Yet, the fact that you’re expected to not have expectations bogs me down.

I want to have experienced a little less hurt, so that I’m not scared if I see that a pattern might, just might be repeating itself. I want to be able to fall again and again and pick myself up, moving on–stronger.

I want all these things, but to be honest, if I did manage to attain all of that, I’d still be unhappy.

I guess that’s something else to think about.

~ by cranialrumblings on October 20, 2011.

7 Responses to “I want to be 16 again.”

  1. Hi … well i don know you at all and i might not be the most eligible to judge .. but honestly those are a few really meaningful words up there….and i think i we all feel the same some time or the other … and most of ur readers will be able to co relate with the same … hats off to THE @ghaatidancer

    • Thank you. 🙂 Like I said, I don’t write about myself often, but this seemed like the right moment too. 🙂 Thanks.

  2. You are never too old to be stupid, and by being stupid you’ll always stay young at heart. I remember feeling the exact same when I turned 24 and then, I just let it go. I let everything go. Today, I am 16 again!

    You’ll never be content with life but you can most definitely be happy!

    Try it :))

    • I’m beginning to let it go. And it feels really good so far. 🙂 Let’s see–I don’t know if I’m destined to be paranoid or super-chilled out, or maybe achieve the enviable, elusive balance between the two.

      Here’s hoping. 🙂

      Thanks, Dowg. 🙂

  3. 🙂 dis is just wht i feel all d time 🙂

  4. Hell. Now I wanna be 16 all over again too.

  5. Beautifully written 🙂 keep writting such stuffs.. Who else dun want to be 16 again.. Everybody wanna re-enjoy that period

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